


So Far Away

by emmascupoftae



Category: bts, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Alternative Universe - Music Video Scenario, F/M, Love, Min Yoongi - Freeform, Yoongi - Freeform, agust d, so far away
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-25
Updated: 2019-01-25
Packaged: 2019-10-15 18:05:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17533595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emmascupoftae/pseuds/emmascupoftae
Summary: "Would you like something to drink?  Water?""Water would be great, thank you".Min Yoongi was finally being put first and I was too putting myself first in this shared joining act of confession.So hear goes everything."...Dream, I'm still waiting for the day you'll be hereDream, I'll be there for you when you appearDream, I will grab you the moment you are nearDream, one day it'll all be clear..."*Also Originally posted on BTS Amino. Account: Emma.M.K. *





	So Far Away

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: Some might find this emotionally triggering do to raw emotion and deep internal thoughts. Some thoughts self damaging. Overall an outcome without concern. No course language or use of inappropriate topics.
> 
>  
> 
> Writing this felt amazing! Refreshing even. I hadn't been able to write so flowingly. Just having tho ability to participate in this and see others views is so rewarding. And to use this challenge as a way to find my own writing ability to be amplified. I'm so giddy! I've never written something in this extent of just one sitting, everything on the table about my views of not only this song and how I've interpreted it but how I view myself and life. 
> 
> Enjoy!

 

  
_"...So far away_  
_Everyone I know now is gone_  
_And everything that's been done is done_  
_Don't fall away..."_

 

My strides slow as my legs carried me down the cement of the sidewalk; my mind busy being filled with to many different reasons why I was currently outside walking during the afternoon.

The bright sun beaming down on the exposed skin of my face, eyes covered by black square sunglasses, the large frames covering a large majority of my bare face as the crisp breeze of cold air tickled at any area of exposed skin my clothes weren't covering.

The fall weather was cool and windy as the yellow leafs where loosing colouring that had left many leafs brown whereas many leafs varied in colour; some red, some green, some orange and some that were a browning yellow.

The smell of crisp freshness filling my nostrils as I walked; no destination in mind just the raw emotions that bubbled inside.

My mind failed to calm my already heightened nerves; body buzzing as my pace quickened; strides further apart in length as the cement blocks whisked by as my strides turned into a jog that began to stretch into a sprint.

My mind numb as my wounds revealed themselves; raw and fresh as the cool and delicate winds only caused my wounds to sting from the care and caressing of the pure damp smell that lingered from the fresh rainfall and leafs.

The leafs once wet but now hardened as the wind dried the leafs and skidded them across the ground with a visible sound; my ears absorbed it with welcome as it distracted the remanence of the cause of my emotional discomfort.

 

 _"...Dream, I'm still waiting for the day you'll be here_  
Dream, I'll be there for you when you appear  
Dream, I will grab you the moment you are near  
Dream, one day it'll all be clear..."

 

My thoughts screaming in my head. I was frustrated with myself for feeling like I wasn't trying enough. Like my effort in life was only minor compared to the people I study.

Their life isn't perfect, I know that, but I wasn't feeling as though my efforts I'd contribute to my own life were enough.

Maybe I wasn't pushing hard enough. Maybe my dedication wasn't a clear vision that I studied along with all the school work and life learning I had become accustomed to absorbing.

Finishing high school was supposed to be enough but I wanted to go to college or university; I wanted to know what my carrier would or could be.

I wanted to know what my purpose of contribution was. I know I wanted to make a difference. I know I wanted to help people's lives; but how and to what extent.

I knew my way with life in the sense that I knew I wanted an education, a relationship, a family, a home and lastly but most importantly the ability to be successful in satisfying myself and recognizing my own personal needs.

But what was that of value when I couldn't even posses the simple ability of what it takes to support yourself with a foundation in life.

A path, a job, a carrier and a stability within myself; a dream I still couldn't see. I couldn't feel it grasp. I couldn't access it.

But what about the possibility of it not even being there? What if I couldn't have the ability to see myself. Only the ability to see myself after the unknown plan was figured out; discovered and set into motion.

Exhaling shaky breaths my eyes welled with blinding tears and my run slowed to a jog that then became only large strides that dissipated into a slow and sloth like walk.

 

 _"...I walk but it feels like I'm falling_  
I talk but no one hears me calling  
They tell me there'll be better days, better ways  
But I've been done, I have been believing  
There's a voice in my head  
Who's been asking when  
I'll be standing on my own once again  
I am caught and my thoughts have me drowning  
And I'll keep on drowning  
They left me behind at a time when there was nothing left  
They tell me hurting is learning but I'm still burning them  
I'm always here for them  
I always hear for them  
But was there ever a time they let me lean on them  
And the voice in my head  
Tells me, "Go ahead"  
"Nobody will care if they find you dead"  
A part of me wants to go apart from me  
But a part of me still wants to dream  
So I dream  
So far away..."

 

My tears stopped and my mind went fuzzy as my palms grew clammy. My body was rigid with nerves as my destination grew nearer; once miles away now only steps closer.

Inhaling a deep breath that I could feel in my lungs as they filled with air before exhaling it as no longer air. Because once I'd breath in air it wouldn't come out the same.

My body using air and releasing it from its inner workings as no longer a bandage it once new as Oxygen, but now carbon dioxide. Because when we exhale we breath out less oxygen but more carbon dioxide than we initially inhale.

The carbon we breath out said to be from the carbon in the food we eat. How amazingly is what we can do with this. My normal life function becoming a lesson in which I learn from. Grow from.

My feet halted as I stood in front of the apartment building that inhabited no other than, Min Yoongi.

He lived on the tenth floor out of the twelve; which included a penthouse. His own apartment was like the feeling that would overcome my being as I studied one of those aesthetic photographs.

Ones that can make your whole state of emotional feeling shift to be in the capturing analysis of the photographs happenings.

This photograph was black and white with the feeling of the waves on a cool summer day, the early morning sun warming my skin as it's rays caused the need for sunscreen.

The salty smell of a sea I had never smelt was being experienced by my nostrils.  
The smell feeling familiar but was nothing but far from the truth.

I'd never smelt the sea, seem the sea, or even been in the sea. It was simply the power of which the photograph had, had me experience.

My mind resurfacing to my current situation; my legs climbing the steps of which lead towards the entrance of Min Yoongi's apartment building.

The heavy door weighing down my strength as I pulled open the glass door to then enter the area where my fingers where currently punching the numbers in that would then call his phone and give me the opportunity to hear his voice as he'd speak in a tone of calm; saying something like, _"Hello, who is it?"_ The words would sound smooth and deep due to the way his voice just was. Due to the way he'd pronounce his words.

As his voice spoke those words I felt faint, my mind feeling numb as my heart thumped against my ribcage in attempt to escape the situation I'd involved myself in.

My reply was smooth yet more so shaky and anxiety ridden.  
_"Hey, it's Emma. I need to talk to you. Please"._  
My voice desperate on the last word 'please' as I emphasized the need of him allowing me to enter his life only to cause more disruption.

He released a gravely hum in acknowledgment before the satisfying click was heard as my body leapt forward to allow my swollen fingers to grasp the cold steel door handle as I attempted to use my strength to pull it open.

My heart thumping as my state felt faint, almost in need of rest from the emotion of anxiety overtaking my composure.

He was only a man in which I greatly intended to explain my reasoning for the decision of just abandoning him after my world was torn with the reality that for me life was deeper than it needed to be. At least as I perceived the world was perceived by others I lived in community with.

Min Yoongi's life had a dream, purpose, need and the ability of the world in which wouldn't thrive to be as it is; even if only a fraction, without him.

Min Yoongi was only a man; a man who in my life would be lacking if he wasn't present. I needed to be able to confess by the end of this encounter my love for him.

My need in him giving my life a dream. I wanted to be something; even if I didn't know what, when he was with me, by my side I wanted to seek out this dream.

Having him as my someone by my side would greatly contribute to the reasoning that my life needed nothing of organization. It didn't need to be planned out and stressed; only shared with someone like Yoongi. A man who was ready to live and I was ready to love.

My dream wouldn't be to come first when maybe it could be so much greater; and it would be once shared with him.

As he shared his dream and passion with me for the amount of time we'd been friends I often knew how much I was pushing away the thought of my love for him.

Min Yoongi confessing his love got me; my reply was silence and the realization that without my dream I wasn't of any value.

But he wasn't one to be this way towards. Yoongi was clearly very much able to choose that for himself.

But when one of his friends I am mutually friends with, Namjoon had told me of him and his significant other, and how they were of experiencing conflicting thoughts as my own; in that moment I felt clarity.

So with the clarity he so greatly provided I found myself rushing here.. _.'flashback'._

 

_"Namjoon! Thank you but I have to go"._

_My words came out loud and exaggerated as I realized what I'd come to take from our mutual conversation, filled with beliefs was the one thing I was doing best._

_Holding back by fear, or the doubt I had held myself to in my life._

_Then with my recently exclaimed words I found myself dashing to the streets to catch a bus that would take me on the route that would bring me closer to the apartment building that a Min Yoongi lived in, was located._

 

Now my mind was set into focus as I realized the urgency my words tumbling over each other in my head where expressing as they where in desperate need to be heard.

When my body exited the elevator I'd just rode in to reach the tenth floor my mind was set and I hope that Yoongi would comprehended my soon to erupt babble.

During my ride I'd removed my sunglasses and settled my hair to be more presentable before shoving the sunglasses in my shoulder bag.

My fist was ready to knock on the wood of his mahogany stained door; the peep hole perfectly displaying my face as I stole one last deep breath before calming my nerves and welcoming the rapid thumping of my heart that was displaying itself as frantic against my rib cage.

My mouth twitched into a smile as my eyes where met with the ones of Min Yoongi. My mouth becoming dry as my tongue was like sandpaper and my throat raw.

Moving aside this gesture was one to welcome me into his home and one that allowed me to be known that he was willing to be present as he'd comprehend what I was prepared to admit.

 _"Would you like something to drink? Water?"_ My parched mouth almost not allowing me to reply as I desperately swallowed in attempt for my words to be audible to his awaiting ears.

 _"Water would be great, thank you"._ Feeling the need for such common curtesy was almost calming as it made me feel as though he didn't need some profound explanation to understand where I was coming from. Just the common decency of my reply to his confession. To his vulnerability of so plainly, yet with so much emotion making himself and his intention known to me.

His efforts and his responsibility to give me the knowledge of his feelings and he deserved that in return.

Receiving the water I gulped it down almost in an uncanny representation; but I was in no position to loose the time I'd already lost in the amount of time it took for my necessary clarity of the matter.

Min Yoongi was finally being put first and I was too putting myself first in this shared joining act of confession.

 

So hear goes everything.

 

 _"Min Yoongi...I-I want you to know that, I love you"._ My heart was thumping to fast for me to feel the utter fear I was experiencing to be null and void.

His posture became almost overcome with seriousness as his face contorted from wonder to complete stone. He looked deep in thought; maybe pondering if I'd just confessed what he'd already confessed of three days prior.

His lips twitching into an undeniably striking smile that seemed so goofy yet so fitting for the feelings of pure and utter satisfaction.

He was ecstatic to finally be reassured that his notions weren't ones of a 'blind leap of faith', but ones of meaning and mutual understanding and sharing.

My own face being seen with the smile that all talked about, the one that reached your eyes and tugs on the muscles of your face so strongly that the strain in which was to be unimaginably straining once you'd be in physical ache to which would draw my attention; as it did to the extent of which my smile was.

Ridiculously goofy and taking up my whole face. The emotion so pure a camera might be able to capture it in a photograph and seal it in time forever.

And that camera was our eyes as we both captured mental images to never be forgetting of the pure happiness of being the ones to cater to each others wellbeing and to be able to experience life with each other. The way it was intended by a greater purpose.

Our greater purpose. The one where we'd both finally grasped each others commitment and chose to work with one another in relation of love and all love could possibly intend.

 

 _"... So far away_  
Don't fall away  
Dream, I'm still waiting for the day you'll be here  
Dream, I'll be there for you when you appear  
Dream, I will grab you the moment you are near  
Dream, one day it'll all be clear...".

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed. I wrote this for a writing contest and I was feeling it. I look back on it and see improvement and ways I could improve it. But I still appreciate me in the moment and my ability to write this. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the journey and the story I wrote about.  
> Leave kudos if you want.


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